Keeping Pace

I have figured something... I have figured out what I am most afraid of and it ain't cats. For years, that was all I thought I was afraid of most but not anymore. I have learned I am most afraid of change. And not just any kind of change but to have to experience change on my own, alone is what worries me.

If we were to think about things. Everything changes, all the time, gradually and some things dramatically. Yet as human beings, we have this capacity to adapt to any kind of change - the human being is made so strong in a way. And many times when change occurs, we go searching for some kind of haven, some place we feel safe and secure, some space we feel invincible. For me, that thing that I turn to is writing. I write, sometimes venting, sometimes calm but they mostly are in my private space - a book that I feel has become my best friend throughout the years of my life. Not only has it been a friend in times of difficulty but also in times of joy and accomplishment, I turn to it. Writing has been my loyal listener - if this ever makes any sense.

This idea of change... somehow, it often occurs to me that I have to go through change alone. I don't know why but I have always felt the tests of another are often far greater than my own and sometimes, they're all too painful to be shared and accepted. I feel only the good changes are meant to be shared with another while the challenging ones I am not allowed to disclose. But I still want to be there for the changes of others but I don't need for others to be there for me. So I guess, it's true that it is possible to lie to ourselves. I probably lie all the time how I am all fine alone. Hmm.... such a mysterious world.

Regardless, I'm leaving on a jet plane soon... Hopefully I come back in one piece, if not, that's God's Will as well. I will make sure to continue to write my experiences and memoirs because there is one thing human beings cannot do... we cannot remember everything. We cannot remember the exact scene, nor the exact smell nor the exact feelings that occur in us at that very moment. To me, words and descriptions can take me back to that very moment to relive... I should probably someday write a post on how I started my writing journey... Till then, keep smiling my dear people.

On The Move

I have been traveling so much lately and it isn't the end yet. I will be on the move till September - living out of a backpack. I definitely have learnt to travel light and how life becomes more comfortable just by wearing the right pair of shoes! Haha! I learned that the hard way with multiple blisters on my feet. Then I question myself: why did I invest so much in proper shoes and hardly make use of them. Now is probably the time.

In the past few weeks, I traveled till I barely feel tired - if that makes any sense. Always on the road, walking with my backpack and a laptop, running on and off buses and planes, learning to take naps cuz they apparently helps when every night is a 5 hour or less sleep night.

But yes, these moving around made me see hope in this world, in this country. One day few weeks back, I was stuck in a faraway mini town after visiting a friend in the hospital. Everyone I asked around said I probably had to put up a night at a guesthouse. But my friend who had a little baby figured she would rather be somewhere safe so I planned we hitchhike. Slowly, appearing stupid and helpless, I approached people if they could give us a ride. Many just didn't head out our way but there was one gentleman. He said he could drop us halfway towards the city so we hopped on. Then upon arriving that city late that night, it only meant more hitchhiking was needed to get to our final destination. We just sat by the roadside feeling ripped off by people's offers. Until.... a rescue team came over. Yes, literally a rescue team - a group of people who would go running out to help when a car crashes or someone found dead. Yes, they came to help us and drove us back to where we needed to go. We finally got back exhausted but safe. 

One whole evening of adventure. But it made me see hope. When I asked them why they volunteer despite having jobs in the day, they said they love the idea of serving, bringing joy to peoples' hearts, helping those in need. Isn't that a wonderful statement? Honestly, I am so convinced there are good people in this world. And there are many who are ready to jump to assist when the opportunity comes. There is no need to feel hopeless about our world anymore. Despite the chaos we feel the world is in... just like the sunshine, there is hope.