Sitting under the night sky with a cup of hot Vietnamese tea; cool breeze and some stars. It occurred to me it's time to do some writing.
The days have been exceptionally hot and in a way, it's just nasty because it's way too uncomfortable to be doing anything productive. The nights on the other hand, are way too cold to not be in bed! So yes, first world problems I would say. I should just laugh about it.
Anyway, I've moved into a new place - a wooden house overlooking the sunrise and some fields. Each morning, the orange purplish horizon comforts me despite the cold. Funny thing is, I have never seen myself living in such a place before. It's not a place I would jump at but as I've moved here, I told myself it was only fair I learn to make the best out of it, make it like my own and make myself comfortable. Thanks to trying, I have felt better.
Deep down in my heart, I know it isn't my place forever. I know one day I would move out, venture into some place else and look for a whole new adventure, mingle with a different group of people, find laughter and bring joy to those around. However, that day isn't today.
I have had time to think about myself and my stay up north has only made me grow into a whole new person. I wonder if I would have grown this way if I were in a different place. Sometimes, my head likes to ponder on the what ifs. At the same time, about the mind-boggling future.
I wonder how long I would live; wonder where I would be years down; wonder if I would be doing anything worthy; wonder if I would bring joy to others; wonder if I could be a positive influence to future generations. Then it all comes down to the ifs once again. I have never been a fan of surprises, neither have I been a planner. I like to have a vague picture of things but not look at the details too much. Yes, I'm clumsy that way and in many other things as well.
I sound like an old grandma writing this. Wonder what happened to living the moment, seizing the day and carpe diem. Got to laugh, because I see myself changed perhaps into a different person or as some people might look at me and say boring. True enough, I don't really engage in anything that brings momentary happiness anymore nor I seek pleasure in small talk. I don't know if this is normal or right. But time will tell and lead the way. I don't think I'm making much sense here - just getting carried away by the night air. Well, there's one thing I'm sure of is I seek to be happy; and by happy, I don't really think I know what I'm refering to actually. But life is short and this quote comes to mind...
"I want you to be happy... to laugh, smile and rejoice in order that others may be made happy by you" -Abdul Baha
