I decided to blog because I miss writing terribly. It seems to be the only thing I know how to do properly, whether rain or shine, sad or happy; I write. And as you can see I've added another favorite quote by Paulo Coelho to the side because it is so true.
“When we least expect it, life sets us a challenge to test our courage and willingness to change; at such a moment, there is no point in pretending that nothing has happened or in saying that we are not yet ready. The challenge will not wait. Life does not look back."
Two months on since the death of my brother and I'm forced to continue living life as if nothing ever happened. And it's not entirely a bad thing but sometimes I wonder why I have to still laugh and smile when I don't feel like it. But that doesn't mean I don't feel happy at all. As much as it still is a confusion, I'm forced to be here for my dear parents and other brother who I'm sure question everything as much as I do or even more. And the saying goes, that which does not kill us, makes us stronger. But I wonder, if it has been killed, does it still make us stronger? And I believe there is no answer to that question - just too bad.
But the loss of my brother has taught me a bigger lesson. I have come to realize what I have to live for. My family has never depended on me this much before especially when I have always been independent and moving around. The fact that they (unintentionally) made me step up so much more made me realize I need to be here for them; physically and emotionally. And I see how much each of us appreciates the company of another a little more than usual - how being together (even if in silence) heals and comforts.
Despite the fact that the letter 'I' can stand on its own, can give power to itself transforming into a word without the aid of another, it still remains a boring word that we all try to avoid using, especially when it's no fun by itself anyway. I realize no matter how much we desire to be alone, it's just not right. And somehow we live on, not for ourselves, but for others - for the people who brought us into this world and for the people whom we will bring into this world. And perhaps, everyone else. Life is short and yet a long road... This doesn't quite make sense actually. Weird world. So, I guess we just have to laugh about it and cherish.
