Becoming A Worthy Human-Being

Almost 4 years ago, just months into my college life,  my dearest grandpa left this world. I called him Ta which literally means maternal grandpa in Thai. I still remember the last words he said to me just days before he left. Those words, whenever I think of them, puts a smile across my face; it has been by far, the sweetest and the kindest of words ever said to me. All perhaps because, I trust that he meant those words for he knew me a long time. But it was almost like he knew... he knew what I needed to hear to get me through my entire life. And it is true, when I think of those words, nothing else really matters anymore; because his words act as an umbrella for whether rain or shine, will protect me and get me going.

The picture of him that I have in my head today is still the same vivid fun memories I have of him - especially the ones related to him having a great time with us. He was like my personal philosopher, chef, bodyguard, nanny, scientist, engineer and friend; all one could ever ask for in a person. He always knew what to say, when to say. In moments of crises, he was the best person to be around because his words would often comfort; like I said, he really knew when to say things.

He has not only taught me how to live life, but also to eliminate fears. He taught me that learning to let go is sometimes scary yet necessary; to stand tall with integrity but more importantly, he has taught me of the secret of being a worthy individual - to always give back to others with complete modesty and free from expectation. And to really give with complete patience and genuine love especially to the ones around. Not only had he shown me a glimpse to living life, but everything he did or ever said would always have a deeper hidden message, that 'life is never easy' but if one did try, just to try, one could do it.

I know, as individuals, we often say things to others like, "I'm really glad to have known you". But honestly, I think those phrases have just been used too much that they have become empty. When I think about it, I can only think of using this phrase with my grandpa and truly still keeping its deeper meanings. He really has demonstrated to me what it really means to have completely earned happiness from the presence of another person. And maybe it is possible to feel this way with many people, sometimes only after a few hours spent with them.

I know people say they want to be great human beings in this lifetime; doing great things etc. But they should really stop and define what it really means to be great. I don't think great things ever meant 'great-great' things. Sometimes I think that being great is just being worthy; not perfect but perhaps being true to oneself and those around; and leaving that feeling of complete blessing, appreciation and gratitude for someone else to have known you - even if it is just one other person. And yet, I still know that it is not an easy thing to do; I don't think I could ever be as great as my grandpa but the mini memo I want to leave here is that everyone should get to hang out with one such other person. I would like to believe it's a grandpa; sometimes grandfathers are just the most fun teachers to be around with. I could be wrong but my grandpa had truly taught me what genuine love is and what it could do to a person.

Now, 4 years on, 3 weeks from completing my college; Ta is not here to see me graduate - a thought that I have always wished for to happen. But I'm starting to believe that it doesn't quite matter. Whether here or not, he is somewhere watching me and I just know it. And just like his name, 'Arun' which means 'dawn' in Thai, he has left a mystery and at the same time, a feeling of serenity and hope; and really, I don't think I can mention everything that was great about this individual that had happened to have a place in my small heart - his love for me, is by far too large to condense into a page or even ten. The more important question is if I am striving each day to become that worthy person that my grandpa had attempted to teach me through his actions and not just words alone...