Recently, I've come to learn that whatever that I had chosen to study three years ago, may not exactly be what I truly want to do in life. It's kind of sad, having to only realize this when you're only a year or so away from finishing college. Upon realization, my entire motivation to complete this course was unclear. I'm not sure anymore why I have to sit late hours in the night attempting to write my papers or the saddest of all, to start writing my independent study in a few months' time. But certainly, I'm trying to tell myself that learning is a life-long process and nothing that we choose to learn or come to learn of can have negative effects upon us. Our brain needs food constantly, thus, I guess I shouldn't feel as if I wasted all this time for nothing.
Nevertheless, I'm still putting a lot of thought into what goes on after this. For sure, I need to make sure I get through the next one year as I've come this far but after that, perhaps, I can choose what's most suitable for me and my community. It's still not clear however, about what I would like to pursue my career in as I'm keen in a number of things and those things look like they would do me better and make me happier. Among all the things I'm interested in truly doing, I'm trying to make sure that they're not just what I would like to do but rather, how I can use the knowledge gained from there for the benefit of others. I know not everyone thinks the way I do, but I have to admit, it's a pretty rough world out there and I'm not sure I can survive without having to compromise my principles which I'm certainly hoping that I would never have to encounter such a situation.
Despite all these many thoughts, ideas and reflection going through my head, I'm at all times, trying to tell myself that I have to focus as of where I am right now. I shouldn't worry of what happens a year from now or that everything I have learnt is wasted. I should just focus and maybe... maybe, somewhere in the time to come, the picture would be much clearer and there would be this sense of great relief that everything is so clear that I need not had to worry at all. So, I hope this will be all clearer to me :)
I love how life always has something interesting to offer ;)
