Thanking 2012

Me blogging the very last moment of 2012? Yes, because as much as 2012 was filled with so many tests, I still can't believe I pulled through them (not all, but definitely some). And it wasn't like I was such a wise person or anything but really the few people who got me through, the reminders I got constantly about keeping my head up and having faith and believing that some unseeable force or inspiration would eventually come about and maybe it did.

But also, I've learnt so many lessons and the very month of December 2012 itself has brought more learnings and joy in my entire year somehow. Some breezes of confirmation, some inspiration and mini guidance somewhere there to tell me I'm gonna be okay the next coming year.

And maybe what just happened this December is not a mere way for 2013, but probably the next few years of my life. Thus, I'm so very grateful and hopefully more goodness, joy, love and a whole new dimension and meaning in life would come about. Of course, with a lot more patience, trust and reliance in God.

Goodbye 2012, thanks for coming around :)

2013, come at me bro! xD

[Unable to Find a Suitable Title on a Moving Bus]

Being on a moving bus with body aches through the mini towns of another province in the wee hours of a Monday morning may not sound practical. But wait till you see some of the pictures, the sun rise radiating its serenity - not a phenomenon I get to witness daily.

I have been traveling for more than 12 hours and come to think about it, the little here and there would have been even more. A lot was spent on a faraway island and a mountain. And honestly, I learn the same lesson each time I'm out there - to appreciate life, to appreciate life AND to appreciate life. We should somehow really put ourselves out there from time to time, to realize how life can be a gift.

2012 has a few more days to spare, and the end of the world didn't quite happen. So perhaps, I shall take time to reflect this year and say hello to a new one with more new adventures! Wonder what's gonna come next. Hmmm... I shall leave it as the 'Mystery of 2013'.

Hope you all are sealing the year gracefully too!

Breathe. Oh, Just Breathe...

Yes, this post is exactly like the title says, breathe. 

My body is finally regaining its strength; after a 5-day-in-bed flu I had which knocked me down so hard I could barely stand. I thought I was dying of something more than a flu. I forgot how it felt getting sick and this time just made me realize how much I appreciate good health cuz being sick allowed me to do nothing, not even eat. It was a terrible feeling indeed. 

Nevertheless, now that I'm up, I have sooooooo much to do! I can't possibly say everything I have to do in here. All I can say is that December is here once again and I have two final exams in 5 days' time for which I am not ready, just not yet. Hmph. But yes, my plan is to be very productive this post onward and just basically do one thing, bury my head in my books. I was hoping to do well but with the sickness getting to me last week, I realize I just want to do fine; forget the well part.

Regardless, I do know why I caught the flu, my body was so exhausted from working last week. I had to put up an exhibition which had important guests, prepare a speech, do a mini student corner for fun learning and exploring, put up the museum-looking exhibition, buy materials and flowers, arrange the flowers, and ultimately, clean the place extra clean and pretty to welcome guests. It was an amazing exhibition, my team worked hard and we're proud of how the entire exhibition turned out but of course, exhausted. We even got to meet the press! 

But anyway, after everything was done, I started working on my very important assignment for two nights - pretty much didn't quite sleep for that one and the moment I hit ''send'', I realized I had gotten the cough and within the next few hours, it became the fever and two days later, I couldn't sit up anymore.

So yes, moral of the story is; do not overwork! I'm starting to realize I'm quite a workaholic myself.

Nevertheless, let's hope the next few days turn out exceptionally productive and when all is done, I will make sure to write my annual December post... a moment for myself to look back. So until then, stay healthy everyone! 

The World We Live In

I struggled to put my thoughts together for this post because I was trying to make a connection between the two occurrences that happened. And I have yet to be able to put them together but I will try my best to get the message across.

Anyway, it's sometimes a sad and scary world that we live in. I don't know what else to say for that but it's true. There will always be people who try to take advantage of you, who try to pull you down when you're not careful, who try to play with your head, who try to make you quit - and all for one reason - self-interest. Some think that this entire life is based on that - on the prestige one gets or earns, on the number of times one manages to pull another down, on that instant moment when one is able to prove another wrong and then continue to humiliate. It IS really what certain people do or really live for. I don't really wish to make it sad but then the struggle really comes onto the person victimized in the process. There is such a fine line of what the victim should do - should we do something about it? Fight them? Or the easier thing is to let things be? I mean, either way a person chooses to take, would be a challenge.

The sad thing is I have been victimized myself and I freak out each time it happens to me but no, I have learnt of the ways to get through it, whether healthy or not, I'm not too sure. But what is sadder, is the fact that I see people who I care becoming a victim - sometimes due to ignorance but sometimes having been aware. It is sad. I saw someone went hysterical today because he not only found out, but he expressed his feelings that he had been taken advantaged of and that people mistrust him and think that he could be a bad person. It was painful to watch but there was almost nothing I could do; there was nothing my friends and I could do but to listen to him, sympathize and promise to help as much as we can. But it's a tough call from our end, yet I guess we would try our best. It's just so sad, that's all.

And then there was something else that I reflected upon. There is really nothing or anything that is humanely possible to be within the control of a person - it just doesn't exist in our species. Some things are just the way they are, they happen for a reason, they become a test upon the individual and finally, one is being forced to get out of it. And then eventually, it rests upon that 'thing' that we all have different names for - some kind of force, a being - corporeal or maybe not, an inspiration, a concept of perfection - some of the stuff we all call that one thing I refer as - God in my dictionary; which could be different in yours. But really, there's many things in this world we can try to do/fix but then eventually it comes to a point, there's nothing more that can be done and all that is left is that hope that something would work out - a miracle to assist us,  a tinge of luck, a breeze of confirmation; it is scary when I think about it.

A Pre-Socratic, Protagoras once said, "Man is the measure of all things" saying that man really govern all which is true and was really true in the past, where man was trying to break the various barriers created by nature, to experiment and learn and continually strive to create the world we live in today. But I still think that Protagoras was not so right because what I think is that man today just attempts to govern all, but really, we can't, not all, and that there is constant hubris - that excessive arrogance by human beings that we always have the ability to overtake or be superior to nature and the universe. I'm really not suggesting anyone to quit on life but really, try and try hard and when there's almost nothing left to be done or nothing else one can think of, maybe it's a sign - a sign to take a break and hope for that force to lead the way and show an opening.

Have a great week and a great last few weeks of 2012. Don't forget to make it wonderful (Kinda reminding myself too)   =)

One of the many to come

It has been almost two weeks since I got back and continued on my journey of a very fast-paced life once again. Of course, I don't quite fancy the fact that I have little time for myself but here it is, pieces of my trip. After Cambodia, I started on my travel, what I would certainly call the first of the many to come, a trip that I shared with one of my friend and my brother.

We traveled over 3000 km, three countries; more than half of which was traveled by land and sea. 

Bangkok - Satun - Langkawi - Penang - Kuala Lumpur - Melaka - Singapore - Bangkok. 

The bus ride from Bangkok to Satun was over 900 km and it took us about 16 hours. That itself was a mini horror, body aches and sleepless bus ride. But Satun itself, has always been on my list to visit and even though I didn't quite go to the place that was specifically on my list, I stopped over and that short time I did stop over, I knew I was going to come back to visit it. The small city was filled with greens, massive large trees along windy roads, and the roads were impressively clean; so unlike Bangkok. 

The next part of that trip was to cross over from Satun pier, and later a ferry ride into Malaysian waters, which took about an hour, about 55 km. That ride wasn't too bad and as I reached Langkawi, I felt a sense of relief to have made it somewhere. Langkawi was a big island, so we rented a manual car, small enough to have us all in with our big bags and we drove around the island. We stopped at many places, looking for affordable yet nice places to stay at. Eventually we got this chalet, literally when you step out of it, you feel the sand. The chalet even had a huge glass panel which allowed us to look outside, right at the ocean, the coconut trees, the mountains and the islands further away. The mornings were exceptionally nice. The sky was often clear and the breeze was just right. I sat out there for a while each day, just staring into the sea to gain some comfort. The food on that island brought back a pang of nostalgia; it was the kind of food I grew up with, the cuisine I love and would do anything to have it. And on the last evening, I sat and watched the sunset behind an island, just literally for so long that from sunlight, it slowly disappeared behind that mini mountain and then, total darkness. That was really a wonder of nature that I witnessed. And after 2 nights, we decided it was time to pack our bags, and move to a different place.

We then took a 3 hour ferry ride, about 110 km from Langkawi to the famous island of Penang. We stayed at Georgetown and the night we got in, we had banana leaf! That dinner was one of the best deals we got. We stayed in Penang just for a night, went by the beach to chill at night for a while. 

The following day, we traveled by sea across from Penang to mainland Malaysia and then a bus trip that took us literally 6 hours when it should have only taken 4 due to bus breakdowns cuz it technically was approximately only 300 km. Anyway, in KL, I got to meet new faces and old ones; my cousins and my Pine. We didn't do anything much but after 3 or so days, we left to Melaka. And that was also the end of the trip for my friend who started it with me.

Later, we traveled about 100 km or so back to the city of Alor Gajah, Melaka. The city where the house of my late grandma still dwells. it was the city where my brother and I used to go to each time we had our short holiday breaks. Nothing is very much the same, Alor Gajah is just developing like any other city. We stayed there at our cousin's place for perhaps 2 days and later we took a bus down to Singapore. 

The bus from Melaka took us about 3 hours, approximately 200 km. When we arrived in Singapore, I certainly felt nostalgic once again, the buses I took as a kid, the playground I played at, the building I once called home and certainly still do. Not many things have changed for me but perhaps it did change for my brother who was last there about 10 years ago and somewhere in between a short trip. But we were greeted by our aunt and the kids! The kids whom I saw as babies, are now grown up, speaking and talking, and joking with us all. It was certainly nice to see them all, what a joy. Of course, there were more added to the collection of kids in that house, used to be 2 when I lived there, there's 7 now. Extremely interesting indeed. I played with them, and went to 2 of their birthday parties with them where I got to meet loads of people whom I haven't met in a really really long time! 

In between, my brother had to leave sooner than I did. But I stayed on, being able to catch up with my friends, who have grown up too of course. A lot did change in our lives, yet there were many little things within us which didn't. That closeness and connection we shared was still around, and that openness and friendship still lives in us all. Some of them I have known them since I was 8 and others along the way. But it was amazing to have met them. I also met my teachers who saw me grow up. We sat down and talked and it's also interesting to know how some of them were doing, especially when they all still look the same! And they still do recognize me. My homeroom teacher was there and we chatted about life so much, she's still that same person I once knew, the one who tried to talk me out of many things as an adolescent and into others along the way. Many teachers have also left, but that's okay I guess, not everything in life stays the same. 

Besides that, there was nothing new. I got to eat my favorite home-cooked food my aunt used to cook me. It still tastes the same and I love that fact! Life really has changed for me, I have moved on in many ways and yet, there is a teeny part of me which is that same little girl that everyone knew. I'm glad I had this trip, especially with the fact that I got to travel the way I wanted, a road-trip, though tiring, it was certainly worth it. A trip I shall not forget as it is one of the first of the many to come. Further along, I would probably attempt a similar trip, but to new boundaries and territories of course. I don't quite know where would be next, I'll just wait to where time takes me. 

For now, here are some of my favorite pictures along the way. I didn't have the time to make any edits but please enjoy them! Peace.

Satun Pier

Overlooking Langkawi islands

You see the mountains, ocean, and then the clouds; where is the horizon?

Sunny day

Sunset

More sunset

Peace

Run by the Waterfront 

Hitting Life's Pause Button

I may have been asked to come to Cambodia for a training on community development. But I certainly feel like I learnt more about myself and life than anything else. It's kind of funny that I wanted to name this post as "Rediscovering Life" but then I figured that I wasn't quite rediscovering after all, I was more of discovering things I never quite knew before. So, as of now, I'm sitting in a Cambodian village, surrounded by coconut and palm trees, cows and chickens walking around. How often can you actually experience this living in the city? 

I've been here for over three weeks, where the training would take place in the mornings and the visit to villages in the afternoons. The visits would often be in the middle of villages with wooden houses that have their 1st floor opened, usually a pond between homes, gates made of sticks, a flight of wooden steps leading to the house which usually comprise of one big room used for sleeping together. The people are just too nice too. I remember that I terribly needed the bathroom, and this Cambodian friend of mine just walked over to a home and asked if I could use her bathroom and she allowed. I mean, how often do you see something like that happening in the city? People in the city struggle to invite one another in to just have a drink and chat together, so forget about asking someone for the bathroom when you need one.

What I really like most is not just the houses, or the people who are so kind and welcoming, but also just the different settings I get to see as I travel to these villages. The fields were so green, far and wide, it was almost like looking into a never ending green landscape of fields. And the sky! The sky is so blue, with real clouds, white and distinct; unlike the stuff you see in the city. And when the skies got grey before the rain, I could literally see the dark shades of grey forming over kilometers away from where I was, could tell that a rain was coming. I live in the city too much, I cannot tell when the rain would come because the sky is often grey all day anyway. And the night sky here is often filled with stars; often more than 30 stars. I struggle to find just one back home. And the moon is often so bright, very comforting in a way. It was really amazing to just see nature at its best. 

One of the days, I remember the sky started pouring as two of my other friends and I hopped onto this one motorbike riding it for over 30 minutes, having the rain beating our skins. It was painful, cold and muddy. But I remember telling myself to just take it all in, appreciate the sky, enjoy getting wet and just laugh and smile about it; cuz seriously, I don't know when is the next time I would be that adventurous again. When we got to the village, we were all drenched but then again, I remember how I just smiled and laughed even when I felt uneasy. That day got even better, when 2 other friends and I drove in the muddy roads to get to another village, the bike kept slipping that eventually 2 of us got off and started walking the rest of the way, getting all our legs dirty. And yet, I tried to enjoy. But the best part of all was when all of us with 5 bikes rode back to main town, through the rice fields, singing and jumping on our bikes and thanking God what a wonderful day we had and that's when my bike's tires burst! So we pushed it parts of the way, and then squashed 4 people on each of the rest of the bikes and rode back parts of the way till we found a mini garage (village style) to fix it and later when done, we all rode back together. I can't at all describe how adventurous that day was, but, it was truly a remarkable day. Even the friends I met over this trip are beautiful people. I remember saying to few of them how I feel like I'm being in a fantasy storybook. Life almost paused and everything, little or big, was just perfect in its own way.

But beside all these adventures, I have to admit, I've got to know myself more and more; so many questions go through my head each day. Questions about myself, my family and my future. Too many questions I must say, that sometimes it gets a little annoying. But at this point in time, I'm not going to choose to answer every of my question. I'm just going to breathe and take every moment here back with me. Every one of these moments are worth remembering and thinking about it over and over again. Challenges come and go anyway, so might as well just pause.

I have about 5 days left here; to be with nature, coconut and banana trees, chickens and cows...

Who knew? I certainly don't know...

So, it has definitely been awhile since I last blogged. That's probably because I have had so many things to do. All I can say is, in the last one month, I have seen more surprises than I have ever seen. The last time something similar happened, was probably the rough moments of my adolescence. Yes, life was intense the past month. Too many surprises were occurring, and then, things would rest for a few days and they all would start over again. As much as I would like to think that life is a ridicule sometimes, I would rather like to see it as, life really does love me a lot and that it loves to check on me. Oh well, I guess that's the beauty of life. But I'm no perfect soul to say that I have figured out the mysteries of life, neither have I figured out the art of living life. I wouldn't be surprised if I don't know the answer till my last very breath. It's a funny world, isn't it?


Nevertheless, I still like how life goes on regardless of how I may be feeling: happiness, pain, sorrow, joy, sickness, surprise etc etc., life really doesn't like waiting for anyone or anything. It could move so fast, sometimes I forget to make use of it to the fullest. And sometimes, it could wish to punish me by making the world move so slowly. And yet, day by day, I know I'm growing, maybe stronger and smarter, but definitely older. I'm still in awe of how far I've come in life. Sometimes, it still feels like I was that girl, skipping to school with the two pony tails on my head and a toothy smile who could take over an hour to finish dinner. Regardless of how life may choose to treat me today or tomorrow, I know that life knows best. And even when times are rough, and I may feel like it's the end of the world, life keeps going, slowly showing me some kind of direction. And all I've got left to do, is to have faith. There's some saying out there, be like the star and reach for the moon?? I don't know what that means. To me, it's just a weird world filled with wonders.  

Mini Crossroads?

Recently, I've come to learn that whatever that I had chosen to study three years ago, may not exactly be what I truly want to do in life. It's kind of sad, having to only realize this when you're only a year or so away from finishing college. Upon realization, my entire motivation to complete this course was unclear. I'm not sure anymore why I have to sit late hours in the night attempting to write my papers or the saddest of all, to start writing my independent study in a few months' time. But certainly, I'm trying to tell myself that learning is a life-long process and nothing that we choose to learn or come to learn of can have negative effects upon us. Our brain needs food constantly, thus, I guess I shouldn't feel as if I wasted all this time for nothing. 


Nevertheless, I'm still putting a lot of thought into what goes on after this. For sure, I need to make sure I get through the next one year as I've come this far but after that, perhaps, I can choose what's most suitable for me and my community. It's still not clear however, about what I would like to pursue my career in as I'm keen in a number of things and those things look like they would do me better and make me happier. Among all the things I'm interested in truly doing, I'm trying to make sure that they're not just what I would like to do but rather, how I can use the knowledge gained from there for the benefit of others. I know not everyone thinks the way I do, but I have to admit, it's a pretty rough world out there and I'm not sure I can survive without having to compromise my principles which I'm certainly hoping that I would never have to encounter such a situation.  


Despite all these many thoughts, ideas and reflection going through my head, I'm at all times, trying to tell myself that I have to focus as of where I am right now. I shouldn't worry of what happens a year from now or that everything I have learnt is wasted. I should just focus and maybe... maybe, somewhere in the time to come, the picture would be much clearer and there would be this sense of great relief that everything is so clear that I need not had to worry at all. So, I hope this will be all clearer to me :)


I love how life always has something interesting to offer ;)

Happy New Year?

It's January... But I want to take life back to December. I love December. It's probably a time to celebrate the past year and to welcome many more 'my' moments of the following. Every year, December always mean something so special to me... Always. I'm not too sure why but I just take so much time to reflect, to appreciate and thank things around me. I'm not a great soul I believe, cuz I only seem grateful of life in December. But that has always been the case. Let's not worry too much why and when I appreciate life. Let's, instead, look back.

2011 may not have been the greatest and most fun year for me; there was just too many things going on that I didn't do well in a single one. Besides the fact that I did screw up a lot in 2011, I think I have learnt quite a fair bit and grew into a whole new person in this past year too. And because I'm certainly glad for the person who I have become, I'm not going to mention the things that went wrong or the mistakes I made, all cuz it's the past and nothing can be done to them but just to reflect upon them and make sure they don't happen again.

And the few things I am grateful for...

First of all, I want to thank God for making me have constant faith in Him and for making me believe that no matter what could go wrong, everything will be okay sooner or later. I always told myself to keep that in mind all the time, that it's just a mini test that will disappear; and perhaps they really did disappear :)

Second, I want to mention how grateful I am for having met some new people who I feel connected and trust so much; perhaps also some old friends who I feel reunited with again. They have all inspired me in a way or more. They were all there to listen so patiently to me, also frank and honest, yet always warm and reassuring. So cheers to better friendships :)

Third, I'm grateful for having gotten so many opportunities to travel this past year. Through these travels, I've learnt that it doesn't quite matter which corner of the world you are in; one will still long for happiness, whether it's happiness in the simplest of ways or sophisticated ones, they're still happiness. And that people everywhere struggle to find a place to belong to, a world where everyone is seen and not invisible; whether it was the cities of Malaysia, or countryside of Australia or even the slums of India... it's all the same, but the ways to that visibility may be different but I am sure that one day people will know of their true purpose of existence :)

Last but not least, I am grateful that I have a family. A family that may not be perfect but definitely a family, whether today or tomorrow, that is something that is not going to change :)

So with that, I want to welcome 2012... many more lessons, many more smiles and a greater sense of fulfillment in Life...

Stay Happy, World!